It always seems like lessons in life are centered around the wrong people, wrong situations, wrong circumstances, wrong timing, and wrong place — but long story short, the people we meet and cross paths with, the people we fall in love with, the people who hurt us, and the people who come into our lives to impart wisdom and happiness all are up to chance. Only one different step, and we can go down an entirely different road, never knowing what could have been.
Controlling the way I wanted a particular outcome, over and over, I have tried to force certain opportunities, friendships, and relationships that would never work, and against what was meant to be. I lost sight of the bigger picture, instead chasing and pursuing what I wanted, rather than stopping to realize what was not good for me anymore. But it is important to realize that my mistakes are not my identity.
While traveling on this journey, I am learning to take care of myself as I would care for another — to be able to self-soothe and to be comfortable with my own sense of being, even with all my inherent flaws, anxieties, and fears. As mortal beings, our lives are dedicated to learning more about ourselves and ultimately to become better people as individuals and within our communities — and that is exactly what I work towards every day.
It has become less of waiting and looking for the individuals who are the perfect people in my head, and then setting expectations that are too high. It has become more about knowing what’s healthy and feels right for me and creating self-narratives that reinforce that. It is about cultivating connections with those who will compliment my individuality, understand my complicated past, and respect my boundaries. It is about accepting what I deserve and nothing less.
When I fell in love with who I had become, versus the anxious person who continually self-sabotaged herself, I knew that I could fall in love with life — and eventually also with someone who embraces all of me with open arms, and with a kind heart and a beautiful soul. It opens the world and my eyes to the possibilities of what I am capable of, instead of what I am limited by.